Testimonies to
Violence:
Interviews with
Young Parent Program students
The following stories are from interviews by the educators and students of women in the YPP class. The students speak English as a second language; these passages have been left in the students' own voices.
It is very brave of them to be interviewed on tape. The young women agreed to tell their stories anonymously. Please be respectful, of the courage it took to open their hearts and wounds, by not re-telling the stories lightly.
Everyone involved with the Violence In Life Project thanks them.
There are hundreds, no hundreds of millions, of women all around the world, living different lives, also suffering violence and it's aftermath.
We give this work to them and those working hard for change.
STUDENT ONE: THE BLOOD IS ALL OVER ME
"...And the blood is all over me. I can't believe it, you know. I get blood from him. I went there and I just go grab him. Why he do that to me? I shake him like this. He dead already. And the nurse pull me out. I'm just like crazy people at that time. I can't help it... I scream all over the hospital. I cried too. Every time when I talked to my mom about that, she always cried and I cried too. She said don't worry as long as I don't go anywhere alone. But I'm still scared now, but not like before. Still a little bit scared...."
STUDENT TWO: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
"I remember the war in Vietnam too. I heard the bomb, my mom, my dad, my sister and me all in the house. My three brothers the Khmer Rouge took to work and my mom she wait for my brother to come back home. She say to my three brothers if you have some problem just run back home and run together. That day I was scared of the bomb. When we run we don't get some food or some clothes, just run for our lives.... I was scared, but now I am fine. I was around 12 years old."
STUDENT THREE: MY FATHER'S NIGHTMARE
"...He dream a lot (my father) and when my mom sleep with him and he try to fight, he fight my mom. And my mom wakes him up....When he sleeps, he puts a knife under his head, and then he takes it out sometimes and he's gonna cut. But my mom wake him up. When he dream the nightmare he's going to take out the knife and kill.... Because he have problem with Khmer Rouge. The Khmer Rouge took him to kill him and he remembers. They ask my father to hide a bomb, but he didn't. He told me that the Khmer Rouge took him to kill, but he knew one man who tried and give him help, because he took some rice to him. He survive, but he has asthma now...."
STUDENT FOUR: A WOMAN GOT BEAT UP BY HER BROTHER-IN-LAW
"She got beat up with a broom. She just sit there and cry because she didn't know what to do. I saw with my own eyes, he take a broom and beat her...in KID (a refugee camp in Thailand). She's not that young either. She's a teenager, 16 or 17. I saw people beating their wives...and I still remember my step-dad beating me. I still remember a lot of pain. I still don't like to talk about it; I keep it in my mind. It's hard to tell my mom the way he beat me.
I was 12 or 13 when I saw a woman beaten, and I feel hurt like the way my dad hit me. And I feel ashamed too. When they hit their wives, sometimes I go to the guy that hit her. "No, don't hit her anymore." She's going down because she feel bad, she's going down, she look down. And I tell him not to hit her any more. And he stop that time. I can't bear to look at the way he hit her. I don't care what he say to me. Later on she come to thank me, because she just had a child--2 or 3 months."
STUDENT FIVE: I STILL HATE HIM
"He O.K. right now, but in the past he kind of violent. He hit me and my brothers....I still hate him. I don't like the way he look. I don't want to live with him. It's hard to look at him. I feel embarrassed about what he did to me in the past. When I was 8 or 9, he molested me. I feel ashamed. I blame myself for what he was doing to me, because at the time I didn't know what to do...."
That's how Asian girls are ("No, everyone," the interviewer reassures her). That's why I tell my daughter if anybody touch her private parts just let me know. That's what I tell her, because I don;t want her to go through the same as me like that. That's what I tell her, 'Don't let anybody touch you." I would call the police now, to take him away. He knows it is against the law. At that time I was too small. I didn't know what to do. It was in Thailand. The first time he molested me it was in the town. Then he continued in the refugee camp. I never tell my mom, because she already have to much on her mind.
I just keep it in my mind. I feel safe now. He couldn't do anything to me now. I don't say anything to him, but I say to myself that if he touch me, I call the police. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I say something to his son. He say that if I say another word to his son, he going to hit me, even though I'm seven months pregnant. He never say he's sorry for abusing me.
I hate the way he looks at me. When I first came here, he didn't want me to have a boyfriend.... My friend would come and take me to the park, and he would come and yell at me. I don't want to listen to him. He say too much to me. I don't want to listen to him anymore. I feel like he still wants to keep me for himself. That's why I don't want to do what he says. Because at the time I was 16. I want to have a boyfriend. He get mad at me. He swear at me, calling me a whore. I sit and cry. My mom couldn't do anything, just sit there and listen to him swear at me. She was scared of him.
I tell my daughter, but my mom never told me anything...."
STUDENT SIX: I SAW IT THAT DAY
"In the Khmer Rouge I saw my cousin...I went to work with my mom because I am too young to work...and the Khmer Rouge take her to kill. She had a three month baby and they killed him. I saw it that day...It's hard to work there with the Khmer Rouge. My mom work with the old people and I work with the young people to pick up the grass. She give me a potato and the Khmer Rouge say "Why you give that to her? Get out. Get away from her" They don't even want us to speak with each other."
STUDENT SEVEN: I HUNG AROUND WITH GANGS
"I was 13. I did it because my friends were doing it and for the boys. A couple of times, I carried a gun and we used to get into fights. We used to jump hookers. Like 6 of us would go out at night and we see a hooker on the street, we would just go beat her up. It was fun...you have power. You could hit with a stick or with you hand or kick 'em and if there's more than one of you, they can't do anything. Six women would all go together. Late at night they (hookers) are usually the only people on the street... The next day you can go around and tell everybody and then they think you're cool.... When I was hanging around with them I didn't feel sorry. It was fun. But after I stopped hanging around with them, I did.
I was scared when I got beaten up by four other girls, and I was by myself. I had a broken leg.
I lived with my aunt. My mother (18 years old) could not handle me. I set the house on fire and punched her. I knew they were not my mother and father. I went to my mother for a couple of weeks, but then she sent me back. It didn't really bother me because they lived just one street over. If I really got in trouble at my aunt's house, I would go live with my mother and all would be nice. If I got into trouble at my mother's, I'd go to my aunts. One time my uncle caught me smoking and told me to go upstairs until he got back from shopping. I went to my mother's house instead of going upstairs. I was closest to my aunt. I am not close now because of my baby's father. My uncle doesn't like Vietnamese people because his brother was killed in the war. I talk to my aunt a little bit now though. I liked my grandfather, an my grandmother was the most important adult to me. My aunt and uncle would bring me over on Friday nights and I would go fishing on Saturday with my grandfather and grandmother. And my grandfather baby sat me everyday.
...There was nothing else to do. No other kids to play with. That's why I got into trouble. I tried to set fire to the house because I was mad.
I started going out with boys when I was 12. In Junior High, I hung around with girls. We went up to McPhearson's (a park) and we just sat around with some guys. We talked and played basketball. That's who I hung around with--a gang called TG (Thunder Gang). I was just hanging around. I went out with some of the boys
To become one of the gang members, you had to be "jumped in." Three or four of them would beat you up for a minute and you don't fight back. If you're still standing after a minute, you're in. If you're not, they all jump on you. Some kids get concussions, broken bones, and stuff. But not all the time. This is true for all the gangs.
We used to start fights with girls we didn't like. If we didn't like what they were wearing that day, we'd jump them, push them. It made me feel strong I guess.
We were having sex at 13 or 15. It didn't mean anything. I didn't know anything about condoms. My friends would say, "I fucked this one," "I fucked that one." I didn't have sex until I was 16."
STUDENT EIGHT: STILL FEEL ANGRY, STILL REMEMBER THE PAIN
"Before he used to beat me up. But not any more. Since I came to the US he never beat me up, but when I was in the camp if I go anywhere without permission, he always take something and whip me. But not a small stick. With a big stick, until it broke. The blood came from my back, til I'm all tired out and he stop hitting me and take food away from me. Not let me eat.
When he hit me, I run away from home. I'd sleep under the house with no blankets, and lots of mosquitoes biting.
I was 10. I didn't really listen to him, but he had no right to hit me. If I didn't cook for him, he beat me up. My mom was in Bangkok, Thailand with my sister. When she came back, she couldn't recognize me because I am so skinny. When she left I was chubby; when she return three months later was so skinny. She ask my dad what was wrong with me. But I didn't tell her anything until we come here to the US. Here I am not afraid because he's scared if he hit me the cops will come.
When I told my mom, she was really pissed off, and told me I should have told her before. She wouldn't have let him treat me like that. She later divorced him. I see him and say hello and stuff. But I'm still angry. I still remember the pain."